mystery - misery - my everything

i hope to be stronger.

2011-12-01T01:03:00.000+08:00

It's been a years since we talked, I miss you more then ever.. though, im trying to move on with a new guy, its still as hard as anything when i see our pictures. We both thought we were meant for eachother. We even talked about our plans after school together and living our lives together. Its going to be hard, but I know someday I will be able to be fully over you. I honestly thought you were the one, and I still cry myself to sleep some nights, but I know I will be okay.

peacefully quiet storm.

2011-06-18T17:14:00.001+08:00

当宿舍静了下来，只有风扇转动的声音时，我才能写些字说些什么。
从来不曾在豆瓣上写什么，因为豆瓣上没有我熟悉的人，都在qq上偶尔更新一下。
这几天看了好多肥肥鱼写的东西，在让我感受到美好的同时，也让我有种表达自己尝试着能否给别人也带去美好的想法，突然觉得那是件幸福的事情，尽管我从来没有好的文笔，但总觉得试图表达出来的思想或什么才是最重要的吧。
其实一个人回归到内心回归到自己的时候，才是最安定最踏实的时候，好过一群人的喧闹。两个人从不见面，只是听他的歌，看他写的东西，我就会迅速地喜欢上他，甚至要去遇见他，一起行走在路上。也许对流浪歌手有很深的情结吧，有天发现自己做成流浪歌手的几率不太大时，我便想做一个光荣的流浪歌手的情人。肥肥鱼说的五个字：温暖的流浪。我永远会记得的。
一部叫做《归途列车》的纪录片，让我忍不住哭泣，纪录片是我认为最有价值的作品，好的纪录片给人带来感动，震撼，给社会一个警醒。
毕业了，最后一次使用半价火车票的权利，我说不能浪费了，买个最远行程的车次吧。,
南阳到郑州，郑州再到拉萨的通票，总共才194，太便宜了。
我想说，吃肉不好，第一对动物特别不好，第二对自己身体也特别不好。一下子没法戒掉的话，要尽量每次减少食用量，当吃肉的人少了，市场没了，杀动物的人就少了。
还有每次聚餐的时候剩很多要记得打包走一些，不要觉得不好意思，在回去的路上，也许会遇见些流浪猫流浪狗，分给他们，他们就会吃很饱很好的一顿饭了。
我是个农村的孩子，没出过国，没坐过飞机，但我想这不妨碍我行走，身上带了仅有的五百块钱，我想足够支撑我这次的行走了。

fly away

2009-08-27T22:30:00.002+08:00

months has passed me by...
had endure much pain, pleasure, stress, tension tight work schedule...
not enough time for myself..
to rest, to play, to socialize, to meet new people, to dance
to sports, to giggles, to laugh, to jump around, to skip ropes, to pool, to foos,
to smile, to cry, to meet old friends, to join new/old friends for gathering, to ....

i've given so much for others, and yet so less for myself..
and i guess im taking back my love from others back to myself...
its a hard thing to do
but im trying hard everyday...to be the unusual me .......
the usual me of caring and loving someone so deep...that ive actually given up sacrifising me...

till now...i just feel like flying away...to someplace where there's love for myself......
freedom......
without being binded by all the pressures of the world.

the day my heart couldnt take it anymore...

2009-06-17T23:44:00.002+08:00

nothing can explain .this song expresses it all..

张敬轩断点

静静地陪你走了好远好远
连眼睛红了都没有发现
听着你说你现在的改变
看着我依然最爱你的笑脸
这条旧路依然没有改变
以往的每次路过都是晴天
想起我们有过的从前
泪水就一点一点开始蔓延
我转过我的脸不让你看见
深藏的暗涌已经越来越明显
过完了今天就不要再见面
我害怕每天醒来想你好几遍

我吻过你的脸
你双手曾在我的双肩
感觉有那么甜我那么依恋
每当我闭上眼
我总是可以看见失信的诺言全部都会实现
我吻过你的脸
你已经不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过得好一点
断开的感情线
我不要做断点
只想在睡前再听见你的蜜语甜言

我吻过你的脸
虽然你不在我的身边
我还是祝福你过得好一点
断开的感情线
我不要做断点
只想在睡前再听见你的蜜语甜言

exactly after a year...it all falls back to the same thing...again...

D M T

2008-11-13T20:10:00.005+08:00

D.M.T - would just be the title of this post..

no reason..just some regular alphas that would just represent the whole Days, Months and Time... that i've missed blogging, even missed out tonnes of opportunity to gather with my loveones..

here me go...sitting in my newly decorated room..(hah..as if, as nothings has been done), without any bedsheet on the mattress and hunching my back swaying my fingers on the keyboard typing this...

listening to same music album of my month by Eason Chan's new album "DOn't Want 2 Let Go" (freakish nice album, meaningful soothing tunes that would just makes me juicing inside out..even listening to it while im doing my business in the toilet.)

What've been doing most of my Days & Months of my Time, has been divided into:

1.Being Emo once every now and then

2.Trying to TOOTB but failed, as just being lazy to think out of the box.

3. Chipping into my Family Business

4.Making waves in the freelance industry..but ...sigh..

5.Thinking of someone, somewhere, out there

6.Eating and not sporting..which is so not me...

7. Lacking of proper sleep makes my hair drops

8. Cracking my head on what to type here...

hmm...

dot dot dot.....

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boring huh my blog...

well..spark a lil bit of stuff lo then...

i also did some stuff that just makes me happy of doing so...hehe..

let the pictures do the talking only bah...

He Snaps, She Slaps away

He Snaps again, She Show sad face

He SMile~ She Smile~

He Emo~ SHe Emos 2..

He Eyes Sparkles, She Eyes Sparkling ( v both bercurang-an)

guess thats all.

wait for few more months bah....

or dun wait at all...(visit other blogs lo)

Bourbon & Toppo Pretzel Chocolates

2008-06-17T12:28:00.005+08:00

it could just be the perfect night..perfect moments.. perfect day..a perfect plan..a perfect US~.....

but it all ended on the day you asked about the meaning of Rihanna's Unfaithful music song, while the radio rhymes the tune of sorrow, sadness, pain, guilt, rejection, lies and unfaithfulness down my car radio speaker. i just kept quiet, as it killing me inside...

The Click 5 - Empty , follows after that..what a good arrangement picked by our local radio stations

i've clean up my room, packed my stuff, arrange my table, a bottle of wine, a photo frame, tidy neat bed, lots of love filling my heart and mind, prepare for your coming..... BUT........

i guess the music of 屋顶 , will just remain in our dreams...

....i think that...

2008-05-14T15:08:00.000+08:00

只要能和喜欢的人一起吃东西
就算再简单的味道
也可以让你想念跟感动
这就是平凡中的幸福~!

我淘汰了...我自己

2008-04-22T10:45:00.003+08:00

淘汰

我说了所有的谎

你全都相信

简单的我爱你

你却老不信

你书里的剧情

我不想上演

因为我喜欢喜剧收尾

我试过完美放弃

的确很踏实

醒来了梦散了你我都走散了

情歌的词何必押韵

就算我是k歌之王

也不见得把爱情唱得完美

只能说我输了也许是你怕了

我们的回忆没有皱折

你却用离开烫下句点

只能说我认了

你的不安得到你信任

我却得到你安慰的淘汰

-----------------------------------------------

indeed a meaningful song..not quite sure what it means..but it definitely pour out my true feelings hidden deep down from my broken heart...

not sure why is it happening so, i guess i just Love you as much as the rhythm and lyrics goes.

I really felt dejected with you not feeling anything...but whatever it is...

Take your time to recover back the lost feelings you once had for me..as i'll wait.....will be waiting for you..

untuk kembali kepada pangkal jalan kita yang suci dan indah..

"Don't be afraid to tell him that u love him"

2008-02-24T23:48:00.003+08:00

an article i found that is super meaningful...well such situation does occur in my life and i bet to everyone's life as well..where by you liked someone and you would just chicken out to express your feelings to the one you would love to be with forever, due to the negative responce that you afraid you would received.

As I sat there in English class,

I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so-called 'best friend'.
I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't
notice me like that.And I knew it.

After class she walked up to me and
asked me for the notes she had missed
the day before, and I handed them to her.
She said 'thanks' and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her.
I wanted her to know that
I don't want to be just friends.
I love her, but I'm just too shy.And I don't know why.

11th Grade...
The phone rang.
It was her on the other end.
She was in tears, mumbling on and on about
how her love had broke her heart.

She asked me to come over because she
didn't want to be alone,
so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes,
wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie,and three bags of chips,
she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me,said 'thanks,'
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her. I want her to know that
I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,but I'm just too shy.
And I don't know
why.

12th Grade...
The day before prom she walked tomy locker. '
My date is sick,' she said. He's not going to go.
Well, I didn't have a date and in
7th grade we made a promise that if neither of us
had dates we would go together
just as 'best friends,' so we did.

Prom night, after everything was
over,I was standing at her front door
step. I stared at her. She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal
eyes. I want her to be mine, but she
doesn't think of me like that,and I
know it. Then she said, 'I had
the best time,thanks!' and gave me a
kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't
want to be just friends. I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know
why...

Graduation Day...
A day passed. A week passed.
A month passed. Before I could blink,
it was graduation day. I watched as
her perfect body floated like an angel
up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it.
Before everyone went home,
she came to me in her smock and hat,
and she cried as I hugged her.
Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder
and said, 'You're my best friend,
thanks!' and gave me a kiss on
the cheek. I want to tell her. I want
her to know that I don't want to be
just friends. I love her, but I'm just
too shy. And I don't know why...

A Few Years Later...
Now, I sit in the pews of the
church. She is getting married,now.
I watched her say, 'I do' and drive
off to her new life, married toanother man.
I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it. But before she
drove away, she came to me and
said, 'You came!' She said, 'thanks!'
and kissed me on the cheek.
I want to tell her. I want her to know that I
don't want to be just friends.
I love her, but I'm just too shy.
And I don't know why...

Funeral...
Years pass, and I looked down at
the coffin of the girl who used to be
my best friend.' At the service
they read a diary entry she had wrote
in her high school years. This is
what it read: I stare at him wishing he
were mine. But he doesn't notice
me like that, and I know it. I want to
tell him. I want him to know that
I don't want to be just friends.
I love him, but I'm just too shy, and I
don't know why. I wish he would
tell me he loved me...i wish I did
too...i thought to myself, and I cried.

i guess it's just time to say those special words...to your special someone...asap~ before death tore both of you apart...

两个月前的今天

2008-02-06T11:16:00.000+08:00

就着样看着你跟和另一个对半走着你剩下的日子

想说的是，人往往不是因为分开而伤心，而是分手后很遗憾的不能够完成曾经承偌过的一切

周杰伦 - 蒲公英的约定

小学篱芭旁的蒲公英
是记忆里有味道的风景
午睡操场传来蝉的声音
多少年后也还是很好听

将愿望折纸飞机寄成信
因为我们等不到那流星
认真投决定命运的硬币
却不知道到底能去哪里

一起长大的约定
那样清晰打过勾的我相信
说好要一起旅行
是你如今唯一坚持的任性在

走廊上罚站打手心
我们却注意窗边的蜻蜓
我去到哪里你都跟很紧
很多的梦在等待着进行

一起长大的约定
那样真心
与你聊不完的曾经
而我已经分不清
你是友情还是错过的爱情

E a r l y M o r n i n g E m o

2007-12-21T21:12:00.000+08:00

E-M-E is what i ate for breakfast...early morning emo..woke up in a place that makes me go emo...wandering around the area of half passed Puchong for almost 2 months now..things has gotten down its slope again.

but after all, a newday has began, so let just go tru the days with new me..all over again
an early morning emo is not good for health, so i had breakfast with Samson at Ehsan @ Kelana..its been long since i had breakfast...
its like two weeks once?.....but still got fat anyway..so dun eat or eat..no problem ..still gonna be fat

reached kasturi kl with Samson...Its his first day working for my dad..was amazed with the way we working...eventhough we're abit rush..kelam kabut for while..but its settled after all =)

an extra hand do always helped..so today's job is abit relax..but..as usual..i sweat like no body business..lucky got extra shirt ...if not..sure like hamyu chaofan.
talk about hamyu...it reminds me of my EME...(refer to above, and don't ask further)
it reminds me of her...and it also reminds me of what i ate for lunch and dinner..i ate chaofan...with extra egg for lunch....and chaokuaytiu with extra egg for dinner...(sorry for my lil vulgar, if u spotted it)...
eventhough its not the best dish of all..but it do satisfied me..to the max ^^ muwahawhawhawh....

so after work...went to Kepong to collect my paycheque..Yippie =)
waited for 2 and half month and finally got extra cash to spent adi...actually not extra cash lar.. lionel is always a broke joker all the time...
but but...the pay cheque is lesser than i expected..200 ringgit less...damm..but nvm lar..

when OneU straight after that window shop, which i loves to do but hardly able to do so..cosz nobody teman mah..
but heck it lo..after work..release stress abit..so go hang kai for few hours..

Window shopping is way cool.. you can see...
you can touch..you can feel..but you didn't actually having it.. how un-cool is that...haih...

well..how i wish i'm loaded and capable of getting the things that i want..
unlike some William Guy who earns 20 gram a month..go be with him lar duh...

in this few hours..walked the whole One U..yea...new wing to old wing..to new wing..to oldwing..to new wing again..and to old wing again..then balik..didn't go up bowling cinema floor..
why..cosz im alone lo..takkan wanna go there wait for ppl ajak "eh..u alone ar..wanna play pool or bowling with us?" swt

while wandering around..bumped into ah pok...then yu min..joanne..kaizhi...took few pictures..heard that they going dinner with mr.han..waiting for them in LRT station..
how nice for them,, get to hang kai together...eat dinner together..
why no people ajak me nor ask me out for dinner geh..?
haha...whatever it is..and there i go..back to car park.. too tired till kenot remember where i've parked..haha...think think for 10 minutes only can recall the route i came into the mall.

then i saw kee ben, old high school mate, outside carpark smoking weih...hmm..wondering whether my lungs still miss the cigarattes taste or not.....heck it..
then bump into linghong, another high school mate of mine walking out to find his car..had a brief chat with him..he's cool and handsome as usual..unlike me..clad in my working outfit humps around OneU..

feel like going to the curve, to check out their xmas deco, heard that its nicely done..but then..after think think..better dun..later feel emo again..walking alone just to see the decorations seems boring.. cosz..i think i would not have the time to go to the CuRve before the 25th..hmm...sad...sad...

missed rainie yang chen ling @ 1U, wasted. i tak sabar wanna go back and rest..too tired adi..been working whole day..been walking all day..been emoing all day long..thinking of what she's doing there in MV..
worried about her.. wondering what she's doing there..watching what movie..
but not sure whether will she worried about me, only God knows..
but one thing i know for sure, is that someone..will surely think about me in a land far away..why i said so..
because she called.and as usual, things doesn't go well..so its better don't hang up the phone and continue my window shop

on the way driving home..a lil jammed here and there..from ldp to federal highway to...subang...tears and sadness can be felt by my stering wheel...here comes the same feeling i felt 2 years ago..feeling of whether is she the one for me...
from nic.. ric..and to ad..who's next....

""only thing that i realize, is that she can survive without me...but the other one needs me to survive.. ""

...and how hard the decision is there to make...?

trust me..if u were me...the answers will not be any both of them.
i rather choose to be with Me and myself only.

Ces t la vie

2007-12-14T16:02:00.000+08:00

its 4pm..dated 14 of december..

Music playing: Acha & Irwansyah - Ada Cinta ~蔡健雅 - 走過的路 ~ 梁静茹 - Ces t la vie

what makes me to blog...

i don't really know..

i shud had just flipped my notes and study for tomorrow's film examination..

but..yet again..

laziness and stubborness had caused me to ...well, laze around.

whats the use of drinking coffee, or eating snacks that could makes me awake and focus

when i didnt really put the effort to read my notes..

haha...God know's why...

listening to music at the same time reading up some "notes' posted on the internet...it makes me wonder...whether is it the appropriate way of me ...handling my life..

well..things are messy than it thought it may be..just thinking about us..

i know that u've long wanting a cake on ur birthday...i did not do it for u ..

instead ..i've did so many surprises for my friends...

driving here and there...wangsa maju...pj...making wishes 4 my fwens ...staying over at friends place..sacrificing just for my friends birthday...but not for u ..

well...its just tat, we've long departed...leading our own ways on life..hope that you would take care and don't think of all the negative things ya...

hoping that things will transform into blossom of flowers...which contains beautiful coloured lively petals

thatwill gives us a headstart ahead for us..in the distant future..

walking away to our destined path..is what we gonna do...

and 1 more thing..

Happy Belated Birthday 3 "S"~

40 fourty

2007-08-09T04:03:00.000+08:00

40 days..is the number of day i left my soul as a life of a blogger, and now im back to blog again..

in my period of absent, many things had passed me by, rough relay/friendship, moody emotional feeling, fun time with friends and workmates, exciting training lifestyle, tiring aching body...all this did be part in my marathon training life.

being an intern is no fun, its all about learning and experiencing working lifestyle of our own field. had some boosting learning experience towards my field of broadcasting, being a crew for impian illyana season 3 production shoot. opportunities like this are seldom come my way...it should thanked in much appreciation.

Skipped church for many weeks already...i certainly did try to make it, whenever i have break on weekends. but all this didn't really bring much trust and commitment tru the eyes of people. well, lifes like that sometimes..when things doesn't go the way that you want it to be, how much adjustments or sacrifices you do, memang stay and continue to be the same way all the time..without much changes..unless miracles happen..in whatever circumstances..

Chill la- - - - .is what i always tell myself..but well...how to chill when things continue to downfall..takkan wanna wait till the end of days only being approved and accepted by people..

but whatever happens, i have Him with me all the time. who protects me and guide me tru the days of my life. never will i forsake You, never will i let You go, never will i abandoned You for other things in this world. all i wish for is just a better me, a better me a better life, a better life..and a soul mate to be sent from you to me. till we meet again.

- leon -

To use or Not to Use..

2007-06-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

alrite alrite..i give up writing this blog in chinesemandarin..
its like working 48 hours non stop..cracking my head in searching of words..recalling the lost words that i've once studied, and asking my friends the correct letter to spell.. malu man..11 years of studying in Chinese school konon.. haha
well..my mandarin sux..but..who cares..as long as i could speak..read a lil..converse well with my friends..and best thing is that..i could sing mandarin songs..woo hoo =p

wee..this week training was sufferating,suffocating but yet satisfying at the same time..i had fun..fall sick for a moment, weep a lil, laugh damm alot and sing songs in between working and resting..had some crazy time with the production team.

well..eventhough im such person that would envy and jeolus at my other friends practical training job which is better ...or doing things that i love doing..such as event management and get to move around to participate in big big events..especially Soccer matches..

its not that bad training in RC,meet damm lots of people..from actor, to singer to ex-local malay boyband and ... Muh question is......is making 30+ friends in 3 weeks consider as a big or small amount?..well..i know lar friendster allows us to make thousands of friends by just a click..but in the industry im doing..its more on like how many contacts u know...
anyway..craps...don't wanna talk bout it.

Few days ago, i've watched a movie that i've been wanting to watch since 2001..and thanks to BitTorrent..it never dissapoints me.

-Serendipity-
well..its a romance comedy starring John Cusack (Identity) & Kate Beckinsale(Underworld,Pearl Habour). This movie is more about them..testing and tempting their own fate intrying patience with overuse of Whimsy =)
you guys just have to see it and enjoy it..its kinda short..90 minutes..but its worth a go. this movie makes me believe again in Love, in fate and in magical moments in one relationship. and not to mention..love at first sight baby =p

i dare to say that, every part of my life, my happiness, sorrowness or when me doing my crazy actions..all of this have a story behind..and so does this movie..

"When Love Feels Like Magic, It's called Destiny. When Destiny Has A Sense of Humor, It's Called Serendipity."

to be continue

2007-06-24T21:48:00.001+08:00

在我二十已年的生活里，我敢说，今年的我，是过的最忙的一年。自子缺少了陪朋友和家庭的时间，使我对我忙路的工作，着成了一个不好，不爽，不开兴的一种心情。很想放气，可是又确不能够，现在还年轻，人生种还有很长握！

P a n g k a l J a l a n

2007-06-18T17:02:00.000+08:00

Mulai saat ini, setelah kejadian yang menimpa pada diri ku selama beberapa minggu yang lalu,aku berharap dan berazam...yang ku kan lebih meluang masaku yang sehari demi sehari dibuangi ku membuati perkara-perkara yang tidak senonoh dan tidak membawa sebarang manfaat kepada masa depan dan kebaikan diri ku.

Melihati rakan kawan ku yang kini berada jauh dari ku , menikmati masa pembelajaran mereka di luar negara. Ku asyik berfikir, adakah kehidupan mereka akan menjadi lebih sempurna dan riang apabila habis melanjutkan pelajaran mereka.
Adakah kita akan ditindas,dibiarkan dan disaingi oleh mereka bila tiba masa merebut jawatan kosong.

Sudah 2 minggu ku menjalani latihan industri ku di Pj..dan ku dapati bahawa jika hidup untuk mencari rezeki adalah seperti yang ku alami sekarang, masa depan saya tidak akan jadi sebaik ku yang sangka.Bekerja sebagai krew krew produksi filem amat letih dan kurang masa untuk tidur dengan lena. Kekadang sahaja hanya ada sehari dua untuk rehat.

Jadi itu, saya berharap dan berazam bahwa saya dapat mengaplikasikan semua teori teori dan ilmu yang telah ku belajar di uni, gabungkannya pada masa praktical ku..supaya ilmu ku terhadap bidang yang saya belajar skarang akan bertambah dengan pesat.

Masa seorang manusia di bumi, adalah pendek dan masih tinggal banyak ilmu pengetahuan yang boleh kita belajar. Jadi, kawan kawan saya yang ku jarang bertemu, haraplah u orang faham.

bila tiba masa yang sesuai, ku akan timbul di hadapan mu, meluangkan masa masa manis yang kita akan menikmati bersama - menuju ke pangkal jalan kita -

janji lionel~

Accueillir -June- | | | Au Revoir -May-

2007-05-31T09:42:00.000+08:00

well well well, another month is ending soon, and here comes the middle year of 2007.
First half of my year, i could say that..i've done nothing interesting, except for the whole load of uni assignments that makes people looking for Tanjung Rambutan Map.(try Yahoo)

For the month of May, i guess its the busiest day of the month so far. Nope, not bz with homework as im having my semester break until early June, where my intern with Red Communication will kick off..(worried to the max i tell u)

-List of buziNess-
1.Eat
2.Sleep
3. Shit
4.ok i'll cut the crap
5.Working part time as a driver for Adsvantage
6.Working part time again as a logistic assistant
7.Working part time again and again...(this time with KLpac doing short film)
8.Working part time as a maid...cleaning dog's pee and poo whenever im home ALONE..

haih...how i wish that i could experience a Dog's life..not forever, but maybe during my semester break only....
If i own a power of changing into any dog breed and back to human form at anytime..i would choose to be hmm..

Paris Hilton's Chi hua hua maybe =) wee~ small , cute and everything nice.
enjoying being serve food 5 meals a day..i can just bark non stop, make my owner goes Mad and give whatever that i want..(dog snacks, ice cream or maybe~) .. best thing, i can pee and poo whenever, wherever i want..
well, im not gonna talk about the sexual issue here, but.. have to mention as well lar,

a dog's xxx life is just like Touch & GO..
"I come, I see, i Laid"
in the middle of street, behind the alley - if you know what i mean-

ok, i'll stop with the dog thing. im just expressing my sieness everyday taking care of my dogs..
not really consider it as MY DOGS..because...3 of that bugger are more close to my sister..
well..jeolusy kills sometimes ^^ but...whatever lar.. tak perlu hirau..

Accueillir June Au Revoir May, is what im gonna do..
accepting another challenging month ahead, dealing with my industrial training, managing my
- eat shit sleep- time, and focusing on You, who gives us peace, guides & protect us your beloved Children and You determine our plan, succeeded through You to Us.

Leviticus 26:6

6 " 'I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid. I will remove savage beasts from the land, and the sword will not pass through your country.

mOmEnTz of tRanQuiLity F|2ienDship

2007-05-24T16:43:00.000+08:00

Sudah 2 minggu since PD TRIP has passed us by..memories of happiness, enjoyment, relaxation and fellowship in knowing one another has certainly bring good into our friendship..

Here i am..thinking when and where would be our next destination trip. so that we would get back together and experience the fun again

Hmm, here's a friend of mine who have a great personality that envy me towards her. a person that helped me go through the toughness in Uni Life. Appreciate her lots.

i hope that she felt the same way as i do. hmm..-xoxo- anyway

- Yoke Mun-
A good observer with some sense of humour
and toughnest within her..damm positive thinking
sometimes and ..she's damm suka drink
those 3 in 1 instant coffee wan...damm crazy fella

And oF Cosz, Cam-whoring is a must in a vacation trip...so,here's a snapshots of us..

Before heading to the Bananas boat..

GT Queen for my car..FOC gila..(Siau Yong)

Us playing card games

(Celyn and Yoke Mun) Big Time PoSers..

Julio, Lionel, Joanne

Drivers of PD.. (L-R: Jo, Leo , Vic)

Lionel & Julio making waves..

- Brokeback Seaside - Gaying into cinemas this May 2007

2 little Heroes

2007-05-22T16:09:00.000+08:00

This blog is written especially to my 2 new heroes that came into my household.

2 cute lil pups that would surely enrich our lives into a happier and wonderful life.
that's why people call them the man's best friend ^^

the 1 st dog .
Name: Jack
Breed: Jack Russel Terrier
Age: 4 months adi
Sex: Male Virgin
Location: Garden Yard

And the 2nd dog . the materialistic pUpz

Name: Monney (Sounds like MONEY)
Breed: Poodle
Age: 8 Weeks
Sex: Female Virgin
Location: . . someone's Cage ^_||

both of them damm cute rite..

and not to mention also my old dog..haih..she damm charm adi..
have to give face to both of them..

this pic DAMM EMO rite.. =p

Name: Tinggi (yes..that "tall")
Breed: ABC / ROJAK , or better word, "Chap pa Lang" DOg
Age: Damm old ok..7 years adi
Sex: Forever a Female Virgin
(Why forever, because tiub fellapio-nya sudah di potong)
Location: Same as Jack

that's all for my household dogs..

among all..6 dogs..now left only 3...haih..
Harimau Mati meninggalkan Belang, Anjing mati meninggal kan Ingatan Terindah

The mask behind my face

2007-01-25T03:16:00.000+08:00

today...what i had experienced..will never be know of by my unimates nor anyone..
except for a few. it's not that i am the one to be blame for my emoing and bad mood attitude..
it's that......i can't take it anymore..i had loss the feel of going and giving all out to be the one i should be..
the one that would lead..and others to follow..
i can't be the one that i ought to be..
but to sway back..being a contestant of a game show obeying strict rules that say..
"do follow us, or we will FAIL u"

my mind is playing mind games with me..
whether i should quit studying..or just working for my dad..
well..if i were to quit..it's stupid..really dumb and not worthy at all.

day after day..i meet and bump into old friends..
hi bye friends..
sms friends..
friendster's friends..
primary mates friends..
secondary school friends..
church friends..
whoever friends lah..
but..all of them..could not stay long and close..to me..

yoke mei said to me..that i always have friends around and do know everyone in Utar..
well..she gotta be joking.
if i do know everyone in utar..why does i have the sense of lost when im standing in the middle of my campus foyer..
no friends to support me..
can't laugh and smile with true loyal friends that will carry and support u up when u fall into the deep blue ocean full of dangerous animals.

yea..in fact i have tonnes of friends..
have over 800+ friends in my friendster list..
everytime when i look at the website..
i tends to worried..whether what if friendster.com gulung tikar..bankrap one day and all my contacts are gone..
will my existence still remains in all of my friends heart..
the one that came to know me before...

friends..i think im lost..
in watever things that i do..i always succumb to the negative thoughts that always flying around me.

so i hope that..in whatever things that i do..
do critic me..i wanna change.
seriously..
i really wanna change..
to someone that is useful and matured..

i can't live my 21 years old life like this...as it's killing me..
it's killing me...

Year 2 Semester 2 - end of days -

2006-12-07T02:30:00.000+08:00

sorry for the missing of my words.. damm lazy to blog nowadays..u know lar.since Astro Max being introduced to the world..i also got time for it.. =p but lack of time for blogging..
cut the story short..i damm lazy to type now..so..i just link u guys to one of my Uni classmate...a quite chunted girl :) but..since it's my blog u're looking at now..so..remember me and don't ever forget me .. =)
here's the link to my new look..new me..but still childish innocent boy here =p

L e o n e l l a SuDah bALik dari Ass Jayhayz

2006-09-10T18:48:00.000+08:00

it's been 2 months, 61 days, don't know how many minutes since the day i last blogged..
many up's and down's had happen to my small young little heart as he embrace himself tru the flow of bloody happiness and sadness.

some smart kid asked me this, Leonella, why do you always like to make friends? which i would say it's a darn stupid question for that particular person to ask me that..
i replied that person.."First and foremost, do you "Friendster" or not first..? If dun hav, go and create an account and experience it yourself"...well..anyway..it's just crap..

what really trigger me towards the question is that..do people really need friends or even soul mates to go on through his life..? what about family, or your church friends, close peers,class mates..cousin..girlfriend boyfriend..
will someone just choose friends over the person who gave them LIFE? Love? Hope and everything?..or would we just lay back and ignoring them..

anyway..talking bout real time now..
it's my exam week..and 4 out of 5 paper had passed..and it's now up to me to finish the last one coming wednesday..which i guess..it's the hardest paper among all..as it needed you to crack your head and give some chunted and sophisicated words that could influence people to buy something out of nothing..keke..now how crap and dirty way of cheating customer..
Manipulate their Brains i should say..

- Y e a r 2 , S e m e s t e r 1 -

3 months had passed.4 subjects had passed too..
broadcasting, communication theories, advertising papers is just so so tough that i would like to take the whole book and just throw it away, but i would not do so..as i purchase it with my own sweet poCketO $$$.

anyway..i just need to pray and hope that the Lecture that are going to mark my paper,, do really understand what i've wrote.. =p well..those who knows me just can't stand my handwriting.
ngek ngek...abit mixture of cacing ayam belacan yang bertanduk kambing.....~~keTamz

so..this is it..end end end of of of me me me signing signing signing off off off.

few months had already pass us by...and now...the story gonna unfolds again..

2006-07-07T21:05:00.000+08:00

" TIME " is what people tries to stop ..so that people could re-arrange what are the things that has been done wrong....done right..or even trying to re-write the future things that are ought to be happen so that they could achieve greater benefits in the future..but unfortunately..i can't be rewind and return to what has been done...

7 weeks done the road..uni life has been going ups and downs sometimes..and more on the down side i suppose..

assignments deadlines has been forcing me to be stress and bad in temper..which what i felt in the last semester in my diploma period..

i do not understand why is this happening to me?..is it caused by the distinction factor that i once achieve through out my 20 years of living..finally something that i really proud of myself...~

3 weeks after coming back from Taiwan-Taipei..lazyness is still running flowing in my mind..telling me to sit back..chill and relax..and even now..im still facing with tonnes of paper work to do..and im still continue writing this..which what people says is crap..

but anyway..and anyhow..this is my life..my journal..my all..

it might not attracts as what other bloggers would want their blog to be..
is that..im..already out of creativeness and lack of moral supports ...body is not functioning well anymore..

i felt sick easily..tired easily..even an hour of futsal..had causes me to sleep for 18 hours...

i know..u guys care for me..and i do care also in every friendship that i've made..
but..is it really enough to get the trust and honesty from you guys towards me..

day by day..nite by nite..works has been stalled...body got exhausted...

life's is pressuarizing me and my body is no longer active..

people say..i lack of time management skills..and honeslty speaking..i didn't felt any changes on me..20 years since the day i was born..
i just felt my own self everyday..being the childish looking..im-mature kid who had been searching for his inner self and strength all years long..

working is tough.assignments are tough..and maintaing relationship..is really really tough too...
and i really hope that...God will cures me and grants me the strength again..where you once given me many times tru my days back in Tarc...
..thx for ur understanding..

i love...the way u love me...
and always..

window that's open with no winds blowing in...

2006-05-18T20:53:00.000+08:00

18th May 2006...1am - online , searching infos, tuning to youtube.com which has whole lot of chunted and coolest video clips...haha...

2am - the final of the UEFA Champions League match between Barcelona and Arsenal..a match of stupid refering, un called- offsides and two lousy goals by Barcelona and a stunning set piece by Henry and executed by Campbell..anyway...Arsenal turns from Hero to Zero , where their 10 match unbeaten and cleansheets, has ended with losing the world most lucrative tournament trophy, The UEFA Champions League CUP 2006.
maybe next year Wenger~

5-6.30am - hibernating for just 1 and half hour..biasa lar..my notebook also need to be fully charged in 1 hours 30 time wert.. ^_0'

7.00-11am - UTAR Faculty of Arts and Science Orientation day...!!! went there with the feeling and excitement of meeting and making new and old friends..but ended up..bringing back worriness of my uncertain future.
Met a girl named Ewa , a senior of psychology..maded friends in just a few minutes chat..she's ok..im ok..and we're seems to be ok ..haha

The briefing from the representative of each department gave their speech and presentation regarding UTAR facilities and policies..and one not to be forgoten..the one briefing which was givien by the school representative of my faculty
he sounded abit gayed and looks like the Uruk-Hai of the Lord of the Rings film.
well..i hope he's not..if not sure kena screw and boycott in Uni if he sees this ~

12pm- skipped mass call and hang out outside with myself, julio, suet mun , sum yee and JUNNY, the girl i just befriended with,..can't forget her cute way of singing and talking..~~ anyway..dun judge me wrong..she's taken adi..got love bite liao..bwahhwahaw~ shh...nanti dia nampak..
with boredomm and blurness running through our mind and could not seems to find a way to solve it...we let our stomach take control...we went ss2 for branch= breakfast + lunch...wonders who created this word..keke~

i joke, we jokes, i laugh, we laughs, im a crapper, yes we are crappers ~..and in need we are now a UNI student..

the thing that bugged me the most is that..after seeing and knowing how my Faculty actually looked like after some dreadful months of waiting in the darkness...i guess..i have to remains sitted in the darkness for extra 2 years now...
Utar Utar..why don't they just provide extra facilities to students..such as better equiptment of audio and video lab....rather than ping pong tables...building up basketball courts or organizing events..it's a UNI which has no campus life...or should i say."Entah bagaimana saya nak menerungi perjalanan yang kurang stabli dan juga penuh dengan cabaran dan dugaan dari semua graduates yang serba boleh ini...

class starting soon..i hope that everything will be alrite and will turns to become my norm and daily routine...if not..im gonna be damm sad~

Why does it have to be like this....

2006-05-06T01:24:00.000+08:00

From the day i was born...until now...i've been asking
myself..."do i know my family well"?
it's already been 20 years...and this issue has been co-running in my mind lately..
it's not that i dun really care and think of my family all the time...
is that the time we spend together..for me..i think it's less...

13 years of my life..i had been studying..laze around...hangs around...fool around...and fail my subjects around..
so..after came back from National Service..i've began to think and wonder..and tell myself..Lionel...you must come back to life and live a life to its fullest...

i've been tru it..i tried..i work hard...get good results in my diploma..and now going to pursue my degree soon...
well..i guess u all don't quite understand with what im trying to say right..of cosz ler..i not yet get in my main point mahz...or the topic....don't call me dad...

my dad has been in the field of logistic from the day i was born..everything went from up to down..and few years back things went smoothly..we had a great life and my family gets basically what we wanted..except for me..wanted a car..but i din ask..so i din get =p..stupid me..
but..everything went wrong since the day i began to realise myself this..that "i should really helped my dad in his work"....

i have many choices in life i should say...from girls ...to...education...to things i wanna buy..to food i wanna eat.everything needs to be made and make..out of the word " CHOICE"

but..why everytime im not making the right choice or decision..when it comes to helping my dad...
2 years already passed...the days that i eventually helped my dad is just around 5 times... suck rite...being a child of his..

what makes me write this thing is that...he just got home...normal time on friday night..where he usually goes to pub to so called release his stress and problems by drinking...i called him - PA - , as usual..but this time..his reaction is different from other days which he replied - hey or hie - back...this time...he said this "......don't call me me dad.....it's not worth it"

when i heard him say this..i was stunned..he never said such things to me..but i know deep down in his heart..he thought of me that way..which is..what kind of child did i raise up now...useless and not helping me at all in my work..

haihz...dad...i know im lazy..and been hanging around..doing nothing.....not doing the things i've been wanting to be,..like...look for a scholarship from overseas uni or local ones...looks for part time job....get ready for uni......do housework...but..eventually today....i just freaking waste time hanging around at home..watching Malaysia lose out to Denmark today..freaking 6 hours of time wasted by watching them...

......i know things can't be changed that easy...i know what im majoring now is totally different by what you are doing...is not like i don't like your job...is that..i need time dad...im still a student...and i know i should help u...
tru here.i wanna say...im sorry....for dissapointing you...i could not really say it out face to face..as it's part of our family culture..we are born to be like tat...and it won't change or happen in a day or two...it takes years to change a family lifestyle...

what should i do...i think i should regain from myself..and do what really best for my family..
but what gonna happen to my diploma..or degree...this is the time where i could really make myself proud of my exam results...
man....last 2 years was my finest years of all...scored great results
in my exams..first time in my 18 years of life...and im being humble
to myself..and not showing off..
which my friends still thinks im doing so..bugger!!! . . .
thanks to different culture of education people....

well..i slack in putting effort in things...but..i do really have to intentions and would like to achieve something from nothing...

sorry dad..i know you asked me to work last nite..and i pretend like you did not ask me...
give me another chance dad...ask me again..and i will say "YES" this time...
oh Lord..give me another chance...im sorry for what i've done..but..i know..that u have plans ahead.....im still shock...stunned..can't believe what he said to me..i guess this is just me...the lionel that you guys want to know..and discover..the lame..lonely..lazy lionel...

-endz-

The day you just need to think..think..

2006-05-04T18:37:00.000+08:00

sitting at home, woke up at 1pm as usual again..thinking bout what should i do today..
a series of smses woke me up from my weird unromantically dream which normally people calls nightmare..but i called it...nonsense.. tune to mtv for almost 5-6 hours. laughed, saddened and worried bout what should i really do and response in the problems that are facing by most of the teenagers in the world..or maybe just Malaysia..

quarelled with someone i quarelled for almost 2 years again...everything seems turning away from good, to bad, and worse now..i thought we could make it through it..until the end of days, end of time together..but infact..it did not really happen...this is like the 20th time she said..."let's break up" . . which i had already no feeling and my reaction is still the same..don't care bout it..but..somehow..i think this is the most serious ones which i just heard..

well..forget bout that...sitting down in the couch..don't know what to do...Uni is commencing soon, and with my freaking idiotic thinking that keeps on stopping me from achieving my goals..had to go and leave me one day..and i hope it leaves me a.s.a.p . . as i can't stand any longer anymore....

i wanna be like them, wanna be like what people wanted themselves to be...have a dream...and pursuing their dream day by day...
wondering when can i only be like them..have a dream myself to and be proud of myself one day...why things had to end like this..everyday..people needs to sleep and people needs to eat..why can't i just enjoy each and every moment like any other mutants in this world do...

so...to cut this short...dream big lionel..be proud of what you really are and appreciate those who are staring at you , talking bout you and all the things that you have...be beautiful and macho at the same time. don't let negative thoughts blow your mind away..but let the soul of the body gets you there...into the world of what people normally search for...the world of human nature in the City..

i wanna be a soul mover..moving towards excellence and togetherness.

F o r e v e r * * F r i e n d s

2006-05-02T01:58:00.000+08:00

28 - 4 - 2006 - until the end of time -

"wahai rakan kawan yang ku-sayangi,
selama dua tahun kita bersama....
menempuhi segala detik yang manis,
dan juga pengalaman yang berharga....

Dari detik pertama kita bertemu,
hamba tahu,
yang hati mu...
tetap akan berada dalam hati ku.....

WalauBagaimanapun......WalauBagaimanapun....

walaupun masa,
tidak mengizinkan kita..
yang pentingnya persahabatan ,
dapat di bina ......

di mana anda jua berada,
disampingmu
akanku ingati
selama-lama nya..

sehingga ke penghujung pangkal jalan..."

To all my dearest Tunku Abdul Rahmanfriends thati've made throughout this short years,,,above is just a short poem that i just wrote...(sounds abit silly)..but hope that it could represent and showed my loving soul to you guys..all the best my friends...till we meetagain,t@kE cA2e~~ luv Lionel.** b a b y p l o y